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Exercise in Song Spoonerisms

How me the gay to sho wome
I'm wired and I gant to bo to ted
I drad a hittle hink about a lour ago
And it's tone might ho gy read

Lo fatter nere I soam
Over rand or mea or whoam
You mill singways tear we alling gis thong
Thow he she may so ho wome

Exercise in Song Apostrophe

Sing, wand’ring muse, of lost sleep,
Of beds, and of want, and of dismay.
And though I’ve had a drink, let me find which I seek;
O, Saint Anthony, I pray.

Now, landscape, see me pass,
O, you waves, you shores, you grass;
And await me patiently, my dear home
Which no hotel could surpass.

Exercise in Song Gustatory

I want to taste my own hearth,
Not dry draughts of weariness and sheets!
A boozy flavour fades and leaves my mouth quite rank
Like a plate of gone-off meats.

I feast and will not halt,
Downing fish with herbs and salt,
But I'll pause when I drink home once again:
Just like a fine single malt.

Exercise in Song Epenthesis

Shtow men ther zway ton gon chome!
Sim taird hand li qwant tro gol sto bend.
Ai hard ma litstle droink abnout man chour gago
Angd yit’s goone righth two myr heand.

Nor mattler wheare if groam,
Hover bland lor seam nor fwoam,
Your swill talways hearl mer singsong thirs psong:
Showl mie them wayt tto gov mhome!

Exercise in Song Asides

Show me the way to go home!
I'm fed up of hanging round in town.
I had a little drink about an hour ago.
Now, where did I put it down?

No matter where I roam—
I could do with getting home—
You will always hear me singing this song.
Song? This is scarcely a pome!