I don't know if it was my fault or not. I'm not denying that I decided myself what to do, but sometimes you have no other choice. Sometimes your life is like a chess game, and you can position your pieces here, and here, and strike a blow here; at other times it's more like white-water rafting, stuck in the middle of the rapids, not being able to plan the tactics of your opponent - the river, or God, or the Devil, or Death, or the Fates - several moves ahead. Meeting John was a bit like extreme sports for the head and heart.